Challenges In Finding a Father

 So I have watched my best friend search for her dad for the last 9 years...Its been a struggle. She has been dealt a rather challenging hand of cards in life and maybe its a product of whom she comes from but has no idea of who that is. She is the most committed ,honest, and loving person I know. She has only visions and dreams of whom he could be. Every time we sat waiting for the DNA tests I prayed that it would be the last time; It has been 6 tests and she still doesn't know who he is.  The anxiety of sitting there for her has been overwhelming.

This was a conversation between us the last time:

"I am sorry I am not good with words when it comes to finding your dad... I feel lost and scared for you to either meet the man who helped create the amazing woman you are; or to be completely at the end of your rope.i wish I could say " it'll be okay" but who knows... One thing I do know is that it doesn't change a thing. You will still be you and I will still be me and your mother will still be herself. But I know that you also are an amazing mum and friend."

Her response:

I love you too.

This is a subject that gets me very complicated emotionally. And if I had to talk about it, I couldn't express it verbally. Writing, I just barely touch on how I feel because I have a hard time finding the right words

And I know it wont change anything.

I'm trying to remain optimistic. I know eventually, even if he resists, I will find a way to MAKE him talk to me and take a test (although hopefully it wont come to that)

but even if he's not my dad I'm staying positive in the fact that either way, Ill know.

Ill either know who my dad is or I will know (and have to make peace with the fact) that I will never know.

Her mother gave her names when she was struggling with an eating disorder and wanted her to go to rehab; the only way she was going is if she finally got some sort of response of whom her father could possibly be... she was 17 years old.  When those came up empty she was told "Its none of your business" that would enrage anyone who is trying to find answers and make the curiosity even more unbearable. 

There is a possible that maybe her father... The only problem is that her mother stated that he raped her.

Is the grass still green? Is there hope? Does she want anything to do with him?  All she wants at this point is to know the truth. WHO IS HER DAD? IS SHE A PRODUCT OF RAPE? DOES ANY OF THIS CHANGE A THING? A detailed medical history would be needed for her children and making a informed decision for them during  any sort of medical intervention.

She  has concerns about this mans mother she's quiet ill and that puts pressure and stress on working this out on personal time--- when her possible grandmother is dying. Its horribly saddening. To possibly be finding your extended family to find out that your timing getting to know someone is being put on high speed because someone body is full of cancer.  What if she dies before the results are in? Will she know her grandmother?  What about the possibility of siblings? How will they take the news?  How will she finally take the news if this is her dad? 

Will the grass be greener? Maybe.

Will it change a thing? Of course. She's still the most amazing devoted mother and friend....But it could bless her with more family(there is a flipped to this that isn't so sparkly) or it could show her that her search isn't over.

My plan is to be anxious with her as we continue being best friends and hold hands while we jump over the next hurdle together. Whatever comes from this know I love you.